Working Together

for Our Children

 

A  New Year’s Resolution

By Darlene Robinett, Director

 

With the beginning of each new year, most parents resolve to be an even better parent.  Being a good parent is a 24/7 job responsibility.  All the little things you do each day add  up to a big effect on your children.  When you provide structure for your children, you are teaching self-control, thoughtfulness, and responsibility.  You are actually handling discipline in a positive, purposeful way.

 

What does providing structure mean?

 

You establish routines that can eventually become habits.

You consider needs and state clearly what is expected.

You follow through with what you have said you would do.

 

How does an action become a routine?

 

Routines are things you do on a regular basis, like making your bed or reviewing what is in book bags on school mornings.  When you make your bed every morning as soon as you crawl out of it, the routine turns into a habit.  The action no longer requires conscious thought;  you do it without thinking.  You brain is no longer seeing this action as new or novel  Our brains are wired to resist the unfamiliar - that is why a child may take a while to do what you want her to do.  You have to be patient and persistent in establishing a routine, which can change into a habit.

 

How can parents help their children establish a good habit?

 

As a parent, you can help your child establish a good habit, like working on his homework right after he gets home from school, by allowing him to make some of the decisions regarding how and where the homework will be done.  He may decide where he prefers to work -at a desk, at the kitchen table, or on the floor.  He may decide what work materials he wants to have available -pencils, markers, paper , notebooks, dictionary etc.  He may also decide if he wants to put these in a tote bag, on a shelf, or on top of a desk.  By being involved in the planning for the action, he is much more likely to follow the routine and eventually make homework time a habit.  However, you will probably have to stay involved to guide the process until it becomes a habit.

 

What role does communication play in providing structure?

 

Providing structure means you will have to communicate with your child about the action in several ways.  You prepare his brain for any change by talking about the desired action beforehand, explaining what is expected, and asking him to answer a question about it or participate in planning for it.  If the behavior or action is not done, you must have a plan for follow-through.  Be careful of empty threats.  In the case of homework not being done as described before, you may have to take away a privilege -not waste time reminding your child to do it.  Be patient and prepared to allow some flexibility in the routine when necessary;  but be sure your child is aware of what you expect.  You may have to repeat the expectations and withdrawal of a privilege several times until he is confident you mean what you say.

 

Practical

Parenting

Partnerships                                                                                                                           JANUARY 2007